there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
