omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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