I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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