my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
