I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
