New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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