His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just had sex on a roof
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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