Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
