i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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