do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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