I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My cat gives me a boner
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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