Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
