i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
