hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize