I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
