i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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