Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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