Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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