please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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