Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
