So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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