just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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