what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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