If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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