The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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