I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
