is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
