My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
