Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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