i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
