I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Screwed.edu
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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