problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
