Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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