Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
