bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I intend to get homeless drunk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
