i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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