Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
