so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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