The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize