i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
