i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So many bounce houses so little time
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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