Kiss
Puke
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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