I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
