I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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