He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
