a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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