Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have aggressive nipples.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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