I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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