If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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