the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
