Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
God I need to hump something, right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
