im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
