Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
