My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
