I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
