I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
