based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
