i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
