My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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