I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
