I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she looked like the before picture.
The best revenge is premature balding
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
