i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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