My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
