Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
