Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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