11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
