dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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