If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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