I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
