Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
