YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
