You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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