She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
