ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
