the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
