mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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