PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
