i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
