Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
