I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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