Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
