i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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